Tully Tuesday's Volume 26. The Script

Welcome back for another week here on Tully Tuesdays. We’ve been running some NFL Models here at RoadMap and I think you’re gonna like what we got cooking over here. We’re going to be using our models in the NFL season to get some winners and help you out. Be on the lookout around Week 4 for some weekly content surrounding that work.

I’ve been busy this week because I was actually sent an email from a long lost relative in Somalia. He is in a bit of a pinch and asked for a significant amount of Money. I wired him the 3 million he asked for an as a token of appreciation he provided me the script for the 2024 NFL Season.

Now before I share, we know the NFL is scripted. The Patriots had nowhere near the talent necessary to win 6 Super Bowls in the early 2000s and the NFL obviously was pushing them to the top as an American rallying call after the Terrorist attacks and wars. The Broncos beat the 15-1 Panthers in an upset despite not having an offense that could score 20 points in a game, and the Seahawks were rewarded and then punished by the writers for Pete Carroll’s very fair and legal departure from College Football. The Cowboys fans buy tickets and jerseys as long as they win 9 or so games so writers have been kind to them as well, but never quite kind enough that the buzz would fade off. The Eagles have had the same quarterback since Donovan McNabb was drafted, the Washington Team has had 36 different starting Quarterbacks since 1993 and so on.

So here is the info my Somalian 5th cousin shared with me this week.

The season will start with the Ravens beating the Chiefs on the Thursday night Kickoff game, they want you to sell hard on the Chiefs so the officials and NFL league execs can hammer Vegas for all they have to win the AFC. The Packers and Eagles could go either way but it will be a “huge success” and in the coming years every team will play at least one game outside of the United States.

The Teams that will start hot and die is one way that keeps the fan bases engaged. You have to think of from multiple angles however. Teams like the Eagles, Cowboys, Broncos, Dolphins, and Steelers are in this category.

With the Eagles and Cowboys, because the Giants and WFT have been bad for basically ever, the NFL knows they have to keep those two teams afloat so they guarantee those fan bases will be engaged to root against their rivals. This is an even year, so this will be the year the Eagles will look like world beaters before an upset loss in the first round. Dallas will squeak by with a great first round draw of the NFC South Champion Atlanta Falcons, before facing the Josh Dobbs led 49ers in San Francisco.

In the AFC, the Dolphins will once again look like the greatest team of all time until the weather drops below 64 degrees, and their January matchup in Buffalo will follow the script of years past. The Chiefs will magically rise in November to set up their rematch against the Re-Emergent Cincinnati Bengals, who will then fall to the Ravens in the AFC Championship game at home. Now that the Bengals have gotten to a Super Bowl, their fans are completely hooked, and the NFL will keep them on that hook until a late career Elway-esque Super Bowl on Joe Burrow’s way out of town.

Now I didn’t get the full return for my 3.1 million sent over seas from the Western Union at the Peabody CVS but I do have my own inferences off of the script I was provided.

Here are my picks for each division and playoff seedings

NFC

South: Atlanta (3)

West: San Francisco (1)

East: Philadelphia (2)

North: Chicago (spicy, 4)

WC: Dallas (6)

WC: LA Rams (5)

WC: Washington (7)

AFC

South: Houston (1)

West: KC (2)

East: Buffalo (4)

North: Baltimore (3)

WC: Miami (5)

WC: Chargers (6)

WC: Bengals (7)

NFC Championship

Dallas @ San Francisco

AFC Championship

Cincinnati @ Baltimore

Teams that will disappoint

Steelers, this is the perfect “all they need is a QB” team, well they went out and got two guys who haven’t won a meaningful game since 2021. And one of them wasn’t even in the NFL. The Steelers have been teetering for years, and with a loaded AFC North, they are in big trouble, and ironically will be in position to draft a Quarterback.

Giants. Obviously

New York Jets, they will be the NFC Cowboys until Thanksgiving, they will see the age of Aaron Rodgers once he has shown the promise to take them to glory. It will be tragic and frankly it won’t be far

Surprise decent teams that will beat a good team in November/December

Washington, Daniels is legit, but their defense is still a problem. Dan Quinn has the mind but doesn’t have the secondary talent to support a horrid run defense. They are going to play in a lot of high scoring games and come up short more often than not, but they should be a decent team over the next few years.

Arizona. I like their Coach despite him being a weirdo. Kyler Murray is still pretty good when Healthy and Marvin Harrison Jr will make a difference for them. They will beat San Francisco late in the year.

The Patriots. Once they stop playing the Rest and Learn game with Drake Maye he will have one game where he looks like the second coming of Tom Brady. That will be enough to hold Pats fans over for the year after they beat Buffalo late in the year. They will still be in position to draft Travis Hunter but at least they will feel okay about their QB.

Next week we are going to look at the best prop categories and fill out some Season Win Totals.

Til Next week,

TT