Bachelor Parties, Bangers, and Bob Sanders (21)

Eventful week, not necessarily a topic in mind but I have a few ideas I want to throw out into the world.

The first is a therapy hotline for dudes. Hang on, there’s more to it. The Dude-Line will be a 24-7 hotline for guys to call and talk about athletes from the 2010s. There are various categories, you call, say your sport, and then you will be connected to an expert in that field, who will shoot the shit and talk about how good Mushin Muhammed was on that ‘04 Panthers team.

This idea, while satirical in nature actually has some legs. If you know me well, you know I’m a bit of a spaz in the sports information rabbit hole. I spent last weekend in Florida on a Bachelor party, for my great friend, Dunney (1st subscriber founding member gold card carrying Tully Tuesday reader). And I knew 5 of the 18 guys on the trip, which is always a little intimidating, but the best bachelor parties always have a great mix of guys, and you usually end up with some new friends on the other side.

Great time with some great guys, played a lot of golf, saw the Celtics pound Miami into submission, but the highlight for me on these trips is usually meeting new people and turning back the clock for some Stump the Schwab, which fortunately we were able to chop it up into the early morning.

As you may remember, Stump the Schwab was an ESPN Classic tv show that would run during the daytime, and would give Howie Schwab a competitor to try and match his sports knowledge.

I owe a lot of my sports knowledge to broadcasting, to my uncle and dad who would pepper me with Jersey Numbers and where guys went to college, but the rest I owe to Stump the Schwab. The way Howie would just rip off names of Home Run hitters or 1st round draft picks was the coolest thing to a sports obsessed 9 year old, and there was nothing better than beating him to an answer while sitting at home on the couch. After my weekend of spewing off random athletes like Alan Embree, JT Snow, Michael Turner, Alge Crumpler, Zach Thomas, to name a few, I thought back about how much fun I used to have watching that show, and the news of Howie Schwab’s passing last week was a real blow to the sports world, throwing me back into the STS rabbit hole on the flight home.

Dudes just want to talk about athletes from their childhood. I think there’s a lot of breakthroughs to be made when you start comparing yourself to Joe Jurevicius in the early 2000s. @BetterHelp let’s run a pilot.

The reason for missing my first Tuesday of the year was I was sitting in the Jury Pool lounge for the entirety of the day. Got there at 8, received my jury number, 72 shoutout Osi Umenyiora (first try on the spelling nbd), and then preceded to sit without instruction for 8 hours until they told us we were no longer needed. I’m not an expert, but that seems like less than a useful way to identify jurors for cases with a lot on the line. Even if my fellow jurors and I were brought down, by the end of the day I doubt you’re getting a lot of people eager to donate their next week to sitting for longer. There’s got to be a better way to select a jury than having them sit in the lobby and watch Miracle on the tvs in the waiting room. Just my two cents there.

Back to Bachelor Parties. I’ve had the fortune of attending several and have some takeaways I’d like to share.

First off there has to be a party bus involved at some point. The Party Bus is the best pocket of time on a Bachelor Party because of the anticipation of the trip, the guys being dudes looseness, and when you have a large group, it’s the only time you can really get everybody in one place to celebrate during the trip.

Top 10 Party Bus Songs to get the boys going:

Are these the best songs ever? No. But they’re songs that everybody knows, and songs that as soon as the first note of the song hits you know exactly where you were when you first heard it, and that’s the vibe we need to finish with Higher by Creed. Higher is earned not given, and these songs get you to that guitar intro in record time. If you’d like the full playlist subscribe to the newsletter and I’ll share.

I’m officially #Worried about the Bruins. Last night was the perfect opportunity at home to send your rival to the golf course. I saw this stat after the game and my god is it haunting,

This is very concerning because if you are hosting game 5 it means you are likely the favorite in the series. This history from the Bruins is scary particularly now that Toronto has a goalie who can see and probably will return Auston Matthews in game 6. Buckle up.

Back to our regularly scheduled programming on Tuesday next week

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